Shout Out to the Guy Who Wasn’t Ready

I see you everywhere I go and I wish it weren’t so. I see your reflection in the lake when I go fishing and in every windshield of your dream car but I soon realize that those memories are now forever gone. You broke me into thousands of pieces because you thought that I wasn’t worth it. You said I was beautiful and I believed you, you said I was the only one you loved and again I believed you. I see now that I was wrong but I still hope it wasn’t so because I miss you every day even though I shouldn’t.

From this day on I still do not understand why you acted the way you did because I thought we had something good. I remember this beautiful day we all went out to the quarry I was so happy and you were too but then you got jealous because you thought I liked your friend. You got so mad that your friend and I couldn’t hangout together anymore even if you were with us all the time. I should have seen that red flag right away but, of course, I didn’t because I didn’t care, I was so deep in love with you. You were my rock, my everything, and you showed me that loving was possible again but you easily rip that idea out once I got comfortable.

Your friends would always ask you if your girlfriend was coming over even your parents from time to time. I think that might have scared you because from that point on you changed. You said you needed time to think, so I backed away giving you room to breathe but now I think I shouldn’t have done that. I should have stayed. I went home on that weekend to visit my family and friends. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. You texted me all mad that I wasn’t answering you fast enough. You were probably thinking that I was cheating. When I am at the lake I do not have my phone on me I can go hours without it but yet you didn’t understand. I felt trap and useless all the time wondering what mood swing would come next, what excuse you had this time.

A month pass and you told me you weren’t ready for a commitment. I can tell you at that point my heart literally ripped out of my body. I couldn’t move, I felt paralyzed but I think the worst part of it was that you told me over a text message. I tried my hardest to understand, you said that you were kissing me and hugging me in front of all of your friend and that should be enough. You said “I act like you’re my girlfriend every day” and until this day I won’t understand the meaning of it. The word act bounce around in my mind my conclusion was simple and I finally woke up from your spell.

I disappeared from your life as easily as you came into mine. It was the ending of our story, the final “act” of the play and our forever goodbye. But the book isn’t fully close yet because, once in a while, I still wish that it might all be a dream that I will wake up from.


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